Chapter 2

I keep making story up in my head. Story where I know it not possible even the world ends. Here we go..

"You can go back in time with one condition. Those who die will still die. You can't change that. But you can change how you live. There is no restriction on that. Do you still want to go back?" Asked the voice that come from the mirror.

"Yes. I want too. I want to relive again all the moment when I'm with him" I beg the mirror. 

I know this is just a dream, there is  no voice in the mirror. I know the voice is me. Who speaks within my self. I tried to keep my head straight. But something about this dream that seems to real. 

"Alright, I will hold to your word. I just want you to know, if you stop anyone from dying, the consequences will be worst." Said the voice again. 

The voice try to shake my feelings.But I still keep my calm. Cause I know it was just a dream. 

"Go to sleep. You will wake up on the age when you are 10 years old. You will remember everything that's happen now. I will not make anything different. But your act will change the future. Be good"

I laid my head again. I know, it will never come true and I hope I will wake up from this dream soon. 

Right after I sleep, I hear my mom voice. She called me from outside the room. 

I open my eyes, and what I see stumbled me. I remember this place. It's my old house. Why I'm here? Is the dream true? Is the wish that I made thru the mirror is real? I kept circling my head. I saw my sister were asleep right next to me. 

My mom came to the room. She look so much younger. She saw me sitting on the bed. With my look she asked worriedly. 

"Are you having a bad dream? You look so pale"

I just watch her. Without blinking, I look her with a tears. 

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"She hurriedly come to me. I know she worried. But me? I'm still bewildered. I still think this is a dream. I need to wake up before I put my hopes up and hurt my self again.

"Ana, we didn't forget your birthday. We are going to celebrate it tonight. Today you still got school" She try to console me. 

I was confused. 

"What year is this ma?"I asked her while wiping the tears.  

She look at me. "It's your birthday Ana..."

I give her the same look. That's not what I ask mom. But that word did not come from my mouth. But she understand it with the look in my face.

"2000. 28 July 2000. You already 10 this year."

I look at my hand. I look at her again. 

I guess I still dreaming. I tried to lay back again. But then she hold my head. Trying to see if I'm getting sick. 

"Ana, you are not sick, please get ready now. You have school today. You sister need to go to shower too. Please wake up. You making me late too"

I have no other choice. I get up and grab my towel which hanging in the middle. I know that was mine cause I'm the middle daughter. My things always stay in the middle. 

I get to shower. I'm afraid to pee. I might wet my bad in real life. I tried to hold it. But then the 10 years old me think. Why I don't wash my face first. Maybe I will wake up from this dream. I try it. But nothing happen. I still standing in the toilet.

I got jumped when I hear a loud knocked on the door. It was my big sister. 

"What are you doing in the toilet so long? Please hurry up! We are getting late Ana"

I try to keep my cool. I hurriedly wash my face, brush my teeth. But the urge to pee is so strong. I got no choice. If I want to wake up from my dream. I might take the chance. I peed. Nothing happened. I still think that maybe I will get up later. I finished my shower and get out from the toilet. I saw my big sister waiting for me in front of the toilet holding her towel with her eyed closed. 

I smiled. I guess we both still kids. Falling a sleep in front of the toilet is a must. 

I splash her with water. She open her eyes. I just give her a smile. Seeing me smile make her feel weird. She went straight to the toilet. When I see her face I know, I never smiled once I wake up. We all hate waking up in the morning. Kids. 

I went out to the living room. Seeing all the clutters in the house make me smile. My mom is such a hoarder. She kept keeping all the stuff that she doesn't need anymore. She said that she might need all the stuff one day, but that day never did come. 

My siblings were little at that time. So we did nothing. I remember we only fight against her on this matter when we all moved out of this place. But still she won. 

I went straight to the kitchen. Seeing my mom preparing Nasi Lemak, Cokodok Pisang and some other thing for her to sell at her work place. She loves to sell this kind of thing. She prepared it with her whole heart. 

I smiled to her. She such a good mom. But then I remember I kept fighting with her when I grow older. And I make my mind at that time. If this my second life, I will make her more happy. 

......................

My birthday that night were heaven. As I was more matured in my mind and heart. I did not throw any tantrum when I got nothing as a present. I just smiled and I hug my mom. I thank her for give birth to me. I thank her for all the pain and suffering she had to made when taking care of me. I hug my dad too. As I did not grow my breast yet. I felt no shamed on hugging him happily. I felt he hugging me back. Both my parents have this weird face. They thought there is something wrong with me. Trying to feel my head if I catch any fever. I just smiled. Only now I see how much they loved me. Only because I have a mind of 28 years old. I understand the love. 

I lived my life normally. Without trouble. All the mistakes that I made on the previous life I hold my self on doing it again. I'm not gonna hurt my parents feel. I know at that time, if I did whatever I did before will slowly kill them inside. Because of the mistake I did, my mom never did let it go even when I'm married. So I know, that things does kills her and she did not forget it ever. So on this new life I didn't do the same mistake. 

I was living the life that I want. I  played more when I allowed to. I always do my school work. I always help my mom with chores. I do everything that 28 years old mind think that I should do. But I never changed other peoples world. 

You know, even I was 28 years old. I didn't know anything about the world. I didn't learn any physic, science or any kind of technology that are growing in the future. I just trying to change my life. I promise the voice in the mirror to relive the moment I was with him. I'm afraid if I change any of my destiny I will not met him. 

By the age of 15 I got excited. Knowing that was the year I will met him, I got all excited. I went to the tuition just like before. Met the friend that introduce me to him. And that day finally come. 

My friend that time give me his number. Saying that he is available. He is the senior of my friend which I know exactly he is not. I just smiled and take the number. Without hesitation I text him. The first text that I remember till now.

"Hi."

He replied my text.

"Hi, who's this?"

I just smiled.

I know exactly what to say. Cause I still remember every piece of it.

"I'm Ana, I want to know you better. Can we be friends?"

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, I just got your number from my friend."

My first lie to him. I know exactly who he is. I know everything about him. Well not everything. Cause I think this is the reason why I got to relive this life again. 

"What's your name?"

"Ana. 15 years old"

I smiled even wider. I make the first step. I'm not going to ruin this. 

"Jal. 15 years old too."

"Cool. We can help each other in studying. We can exchange the question paper for our PMR later?"

He just replied with an "OK"

That time, texting cost so much and we both still in school. So by thinking the lest word we send the lest we will be charged is common on that time. 

Later that night I kept changing text with him. I tried so hard to get a hold of his heart. If possible I really want to fall in love with him right now. But he seems playing hard to catch. I just smiled on his text. That was the moment I make my mind that I will not let him go without him knowing that I would give my world to him. 

We kept exchanging text until the day we officially declared our relationship. I'm the one who asked him to be my boyfriend. And I know I made the right decision. 

It was 3.8.2003. That was the day that he's finally can be called mine. 

We only met 1 months after that day. Because I have a mind of 28 years old. I try to kept my body and health in good condition. I was ugly in the life before where he was ashamed to call me his girl at that time. But on this life, I am quite beautiful. I have this mix face from my father. He is Jawa. My mom was white and with the combination of this two. I'm likely can be called a pretty girl. 

I avoid to play in the sun. I avoid playing in the water at the Sea. My parents feel weird about this cause they know I love the beach. But for him. I tried to hold my urge to play in the sea. 

The day I met him. He feels strange. But for me, it was like living in the dream again. But this time the dream was in heaven. Seeing the man I love for almost my entire life, standing in front of me make me smiled so widely that I can feel that is was hurting my cheek. But I can't feel any pain that time. I was holding myself from running to him and hug him. 

This time, all the life before was different. He is now ashamed to call him as my boyfriend. He felt I was out of his league. At that time I hold his hand and kiss it. It was how we respect someone. He look me straight in the eyes. 

"I don't care how you look. I loved you just the way you are. And trust me, I am."

He doesn't say much. I don't know how he feel at that time. But when I got home. I got a text from him. It was like before. Instead of me asking him will he accept me the way I am, his the one who asking me that question. Without hesitation I reply his text.

"I don't choose someone to love because of their face. I loved you because who you are and to be honest, you are just the kind of guy I'm into too. I loved skinny guy who is tall, dark and don't have a clean look."

"What do you mean?"

I smiled again. 

"I loved man who other girls say they are not handsome. The truth is, I hate to fight with girl for men. Men like you gave me feelings that I did not get from those who are handsome. And seriously, for me, you are so handsome that I think I want to kiss you all the time."

My text didn't get any reply. I don't know why. But then I remember. Maybe he did not have any credit left. I called him. Praying that he pick up. Yes he pick up.

"Sorry, I finished my credit."

"It's okay. But now, please tell me, do you still want me as your girlfriend?"

"Yes"

I jumped around in my room. I got him. I'm going to show the world he is mine now. 

We dated again after that. With the big exam coming up. We text more. My parents did not allowed me to go out. Even I always got my grade good. Just in case, they still  need to see me studying. I kept texting him all the time. Showering him with love. Telling him all the dreams I had and I want to do with him once we grow up. He still feel weird that girl like me want someone like him. I just tell him, for the moment I know your name, I already fall in love with you. 

I can't tell him that I'm reliving the life. I don't want to loose him again. 

But for next year, I got to boarding school away from him. I feel kind a sad. Because I know he will cheat on me that year. But that was life before. I'm different now. I was confident that he will not cheat on me. But I guess man will always be man.

One month after I went away he find someone else. I confront him on my birthday that year. Trying to act cool. I send the exact message I send him in previous life. 

"Happy birthday to me"

"Oh ya, Happy birthday."

That cold word pierce me right thru the heart. I was crying non stop cause I know he cheated on me. The reason was he was bored with no one to text too. 

I fight with the other girl on the phone. I remember when in previous life I gave in and gave him up. I'm not going to do the same. 

That girl threat me to live him or she will slap me. I fight with her saying

"You are the one who take him away from me, and now you threatening to slap me? Who the fuck you think you are? I'm his girlfriend. You just the bitch who thought him how to have sex!!"

I shouted on the phone. There is silent.

"You think I don't know?? You the one who touch him first. You bitch who can't get enough of some cock seducing some young boy to have sex with you! You know he will say no. You know he will not push you away. He's a boy!! He watch porn. Slut like you who come rolling to him, is like getting money from out of sky you bitch! Listen here! I don't fucking care what you did to him. I just want you to know, he is mine. And when I'm back home, trust me I will make him slap you in the face. You fucking bitch!!"

I hung up the phone. Tears running thru my eyes. I always know I'm not going to be  his first. But I thought on this life I will be. But I guess I'm wrong. 

On the school holiday. I took my father bike and go to his place. He was not at home, he was not in the park too. I remember that I was supposed to meet him on the State park. But now I'm at a different park. I was sitting alone at the park. Not knowing his phone number. I want to cry so badly. I am afraid to lost him before time take him. 

There's a few guy who come to me. I know this guy. It was his friends. But they don't know me. We never met in this life. They come to me asking who I was. When I say I was Jal friends, they have this disbelieve looks. Girl like me is a friend with guy like Jal. 

I asked them his phone number but neither of them want to give it. When I asked them to contact him saying that I'm waiting for him here there is a big silent and resilient on not doing it. I just sit there quietly. They tried to talk to me, but I kept my silent. Knowing all of them making me feel cautious. They are not the kind of good guy. They didn't care who the girls belong too, they will try to take them out of their hands as long as the girl willing too. They do not used the term 'bro before hoes' much.

I kept my calm. Praying that he will be here in any minute. And behold. He came. With his bicycle. He did not see me for the first time. This one guy here his voice quickly sit beside me and trying to put his arm around me. Seeing his hand nearing me I got up and run to him quickly. As I run, he already got off from his bike. I gave him a hug. For him being taller than me, making it much more easier and wonderful. I have kept the urge to hug him before. And now I can't hold it anymore. I want him. I really want him. 

He was in shocked. Expecting that I was touched by his friend he gets furious. I hold him tight saying "They didn't do nothing. I just want you."

He pull my face. Looking him in the eyes makes me cry again. Even it was just a few month being far away from each other, I truly miss him. I can't hide the feeling anymore. I pull his face near my face and I give him a big kiss. French kiss.

I kiss him so desperately. I want him to be mine. Not others. 

He was cooperating nicely. Seeing my face make his feeling for me to be bloom again. 

I said to him

"Please don't cheat on me again. Please wait for me. I will be yours, I am yours. I just want you. "

To Be Continued.....